everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ttyl tear gas
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
