I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dicks are not precious.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
