peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
one might say we're banned from that church
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
try to milk me bitch
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