True but thats because hes a fetus.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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