I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
