I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
