well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
