Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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