I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
