dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
