OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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