I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
