he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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