FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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