what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
