Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
