I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
