never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
