the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
