I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
