I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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