Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
