How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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