i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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