I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
