youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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