Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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