You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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