I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
