His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
