i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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