He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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