Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
