What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
