All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
