He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
