Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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