I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
