my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
