Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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