I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
