the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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