our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
