I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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