I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
