My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
