so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
