i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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