Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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