mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"it" just moved
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
