Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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