I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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