alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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