my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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