After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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