The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
