I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's always time for handjobs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
