I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
