It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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