Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he thought i was a dude.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
