Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
