I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
