Already got asked if we're dating
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
