I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
