My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
