sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
