i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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