If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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