so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
