my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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