i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
