So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
