I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
