I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she told me i tasted like america
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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