I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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