The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
