he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
