So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
