The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
