Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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