Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize