craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.