It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
