Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha