Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(936): View more from Texas

Bea Arthur died! :(

(214): View more from Texas

What?

(936): View more from Texas

Big bird passed.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

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(516): View more from New York

Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"

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(707): View more from California

I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(630): View more from Illinois

Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.

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(619): View more from California

I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha

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