next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
