I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
