How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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