kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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