I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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