he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
